I didn't post much for yesterday, but I really wasn't up to it. I was helping people out, and I didn't have anything left. I really give it my all when I have my sights set on something. When I help someone, I help them the best that I can.

"Personal Counselor", "Woman's Self-Help Book", these are things I've been called. And I have to say I'm happy with that. I might be the guy sitting alone in the corner, with the lights dimmed, but I'm not a bad guy. I just keep to myself. If you're interested, come sit down next to me. Conversations are bound to be good, and troubles will disappear.

A few called me mysterious in high school. I didn't really like it, but it was nice to know some people thought of me. As someone pointed out so well the other night, I am a loner. Or I was. I might still be, I dunno. But in high school, it was rare that I met new people. I was happy enough with the people I knew. Then they'd introduce me to their friends, and such. I remember this one girl. Her best friend was a friend of mine as well. Though, we never talked except for a few small occasions. Later I found out that she thought I was scary. So I approached her, and just laid it out. The way I was, the way I thought and etc. Next thing I know, she's doing the whole "running the finger down my chest" thing. I think she was geniunely interested. Looking back, it puts a smile on my face. I just wish more people would have gotten to know me. Doesn't happen without effort from both sides though.

I don't know if I'll go to my high school reunion. I know I know, it's 8 years away. But still, I like to think ahead to those things. If I went, I'm sure some people would want to know where I've been and what I'm doing. On the other hand, I wouldn't be happy to meet someone I hated and find out they are better off than me. My motivation for success is to show it at that reunion. I want to walk up to the people that turned their back on me, rejected me, and hated me. I want to tell them how happy I am, and say it with a huge grin. I want them to dislike me even more. Then I'll walk to the people that actually said "Hey, he's got potential." I want to put my arm around them, show them their gifts and offer my help anytime.

When I first got into high school, I didn't know a bunch of people. But the first thing on my mind was the group of people I care about. I would tell my parents about how I wanted to buy an island just for the people I love, and have them live there without working. Or to have a big mansion. Just somewhere private for everyone. I wanted everyone around me to be comfortable. That was my motivation for quite some time. I still think about it, but I know that to produce those results, I'm going to have to cure something or create a new software.

My motivation flickers off and on, and that's what kills me the most during classes. I'll lose my motivation for weeks at a time, and everything will feel hopeless. Then it hits me again, and I really get things rolling.

Right now I'm at the high point of my sine wave. Or I'm close to it. Sorry for the trig reference.

But either way, I'm going to sleep. Can't believe I got my program finished already. It felt too easy. Maybe I should look over it...

You know what? It'd make me feel great if everyone would put together their two words that describe me. Stuff like "personal counselor" or "dumb ass" (isn't that one word?). It would keep me at my peek for a bit longer. Comment!