So yea, the Christmas season is over. And now begins the countdown to the new year. Along with New Year's Eve come many resolutions. Wouldn't it be cool if I listed my resolutions for the next year? How original!!!!....Yea....

One, starting on January 1st, I will take time out of my day to help those in need. And by those in need, I mean those I want to help. And by those I want to help, I mean chics. And by chics, I mean hot supermodels.

Two, I will make sure that those around me are having a good time. I will not put my wants first. Oh wait, I already do that. Bleh...

Three, I will call people and IM people first! Yea right, I'm just kidding. You got me. I lied. Which leads to my fourth...

Four, I will do a better job of making my lies look like truth. (Let's see who gets this one...)

Five, from now on, I will throw golf balls at the people on my floor who are annoying. Don't talk on your cell phone to your woman in front of my door at 3AM!!! I mean it. Golf balls. And I have quite an arm.

Six, I will make the lives of women around me better by simply being there. The radiance given off by me is more than enough.

Seven, I will not rub it into people's faces that they are not perfect like me. Bastards...

I think I'll stop there. Seven is a good number, and I don't feel like going on. Not all of the previously mentioned resolutions are for real. Maybe not any. But the point is...

At least I didn't put the general "lose weight" resolution. I make my goals reasonable. And reachable. And physically possible.

So, chug that champagne down when the ball drops. Get wasted! Wake up the next morning with a complete stranger! It's more fun that way. Then you can tell your future kids about how you met your spouse first thing on New Year's Day. But we both know the truth...you'll make up something about dating for years. It'll make the illegitimate child feel better. Bastard...

I like that word...