Well, given my luck, if any weekend had to suck, it would be the one I spend at home. I'm not even going to touch college football. On the upside, I was home. Also, the Cowboys pulled another victory out of their A. Just amazing...they're 4-1.

So yea, weddings are something else. Pretty much, a guy and girl make it ok for them to do the dirty, and the real test is the 4 hour process. Not only that, but you have to be in front of your family as well as your significant other's. One false step, and it's blown. Add to the mix that there are cameramen everywhere. Now, there's evidence of the goof up.

If you attend a wedding, and you're not the one getting married, things can suck fast. Especially if you're single. I'm a guy, so from my point of view, it's like this. You look around the room and see a bunch of chics all dressed up and prettied up. Their hair is all nice and fixed, make up is exact, and the dresses hide all of the physical flaws. You want to go up to them, but you realize that this is a one time deal. They HAVE to look this way, because this is a wedding. Tomorrow, they could go back to wearing sweat pants and baggy shirts. It's sorta like false advertisement.

If you've seen these girls before, maybe in high school, then you know some of their appearances are for real. But still, it's not like they can be mean to you right now. They might smile and talk to you, but deep down, they want to kick you right in the sack. I'm not a jerk to females, but I still get that feeling.

So yea, all the single guys go to the stage or dance floor or whatever. The groom throws the garter out there, and some poor guy ends up catching it. Now everyone in the area has to make "woo" sounds and say things like "who will be the lucky girl?" Now the bouquet gets thrown into a scrum of females. Dresses and hair are pulled, and women turn into savages. Sometimes. But once the bouquet is caught, that's it, the audience has to make a big deal out of that. Then everything goes back to normal. We all eat cake and get fat, lessening the chance of another marriage.

Eventually the bride and groom sneak off to the broom closet, and things happen. Meanwhile, the two families are starting to drink more and more. This is supposed to be a joyous occasion, but for some reason, we have to make a good thing bad. You add liquor to a reception, and you can expect some embarrasing and humiliating moments. Old disco is played, because every wedding DJ has YMCA in the rotation. (By the way, you guys suck. You guys absolutely suck.) Adults crowd the dance floor, people fall down, everyone laughs. Then they leave. By this time, I had better be halfway home.

I like weddings every now and then. Sometimes, the building chosen is really nice. Sometimes the parties don't get reckless. Sometimes there aren't dozens of crying kids. Sometimes the females are single, and have really low standards. But how often does this happen? Not often enough.

By the way, I don't dance. I can't dance. I was in band for so long, I understand rhythm, but I can't dance. I don't care. I'm a guy, it doesn't matter. You want to slow dance, fine, I can do that. But don't expect me to do all these new show off dance moves all the young kids do.

Also, don't expect me to initiate conversations. I don't like doing it, and I probably never will. You want a conversation, come get one. Otherwise, don't expect me to leave my seat. I'm going to find a table in the corner, I'm going to drink my drink, and I'm going to enjoy not talking. Not saying I hate talking, but I can appreciate silence. You want me to hold your hand, fine. You want to talk at me, fine. But please don't get mad because I didn't leave my seat. It's a nice seat. I'm sitting in it. It must be good.

Enough on my rant...

Oh yea, Laura* didn't say hi to me first, so F it. Maybe could have had a good time, but F it.