You want an easy way to piss me off? Ask me about a Mavs game after a loss. I just want to hit something...

Yea, so what? We'll see who's laughing come May.

This weekend, I'm going to play some Bball. And I'm going to play like never before. I'm going to make my opponents wish they never challenged me. It's on. The weather will be a little cold, just the way I like it. The courts will be a little empty, another thing that I like. It's gonna be right outside my dorm, so I've got the home court advantage. I'm going into this weekend after having a decent week. If I wake up frustrated Saturday morning, someone is going to get it. And I mean get it good. If I wake up pissed, I'll make people hurt.

I'll probably walk out of that door of the cage more banged up than anyone else, but not without a win. Blood dripping down my lip, knees, arms, wherever, it doesn't matter. I'm going to walk out with a smile. I'll make sure to that. I've improved too much to let it go to waste this one chance. Well, it's not one chance. It's just one of a few.

I need a good nickname. I mean one of those nicknames that ballers earn. I'll even settle to be known on a first name basis. When you say Dirk, Peja, or Vlade, you know who they're talking about. I could be the next "Andy." I really don't like my real first name that much.

Oh yea, why do I feel a little better?

Because when I woke up this morning, I felt totally new. I felt as if I owned everything and everyone. It was amazing. As the day progressed, the feeling went away. But yea, sitting in class, having chics check me out, it just really made me feel like royalty. Even in Jazz, chics were looking at me like I was a celebrity. Maybe I should check the mirror. I could have just had food on my face or something. Wouldn't that be my luck? Yes, yes it would.

(frown)

So yea, the NBA regular season starts later tonight. Gonna watch the Mavs take on the Lakers. They better outscore them by 50. With all of that shooting, there better be a record breaker.

Still single, although I feel a little better. Well, to a point...

It's winter, and winter can be one of the worst seasons for single people. Couples get a little bit closer, and couples stay indoors more. If you're walking through a hallway and you see a couple hold hands, it can be a nice sight. It can also really piss you off. Maybe that's not what I mean. It can really put you in a bad mood.

It makes you realize that you're missing out on something. You are missing out on something enjoyable and satisfying. And while you create self-pity, the other guy you see is smiling his fake A off. Deep down, you know you could take her away. But it goes against every one of your morals.

I can't even think about any chic who is currently in a relationship. Bad history sparked that. But if a chic currently involved said to me, "Hey, let's ditch him, and we can be an item," I wouldn't be able to accept. It would kill me. And if I dated a chic who told me a month later she was seeing someone also, she would defintely be on my "Do not talk to" list. Even after breaking up, I still would remember, and I would not be able to trust her again. Rabble rabble rabble.

What makes the winter so great for starting a relationship is the fact that you miss out on the family holidays. Thanksgiving, Christmas, whatever. You have a very early relationship, and it's not yet time to meet the folks. In fact, the next holiday you can celebrate with your significant other is Valentine's Day, or quite possibly New Year's Eve. Neither of those are as bad. Why? Because at that point, you have a girlfriend, so you can laugh at the single people. Those are the two holidays where being single sucks the most. You don't want to spend New Year's Eve passed out alone on some bed. You don't want to spend Valentine's Day by yourself. Once you get past Feb. 14th, what's the next holiday? None. But if you count Spring Break, well that's a week to be single. You don't want to have missed opportunites.

But yea, if I see you in the hallway, the two of you just standing there, I'm gonna get a mean face on. Save your love for behind closed doors. Rub someone else's nose in it. You don't want me in a bad mood. "But Andy, you can get a girlfriend, and then you won't be so bitter." Bah Humbug. Could whatever. Kiss my A. I'll be bitter when I damn well please. Get out of my face.

So yea, I watched the Cowboys beat the S out of Detroit. That really made my day. Until I remembered that I have a History test tomorrow. Talk about sucking...

I was thinking about my current relationship status (single) when it hit me. If I still lived in Dallas, there is no way I would be single right now. There would be no free time, because there would be dates every night. My calender would be booked. "Why?" you might ask. Mainly because in Dallas, I know the market, and I know how to advertise myself. Here in Austin, the expectations of guys are completely different. I'm not exactly sure what is expected out of me. And I really don't feel like learning. When I walk through campus, I walk as though I am taken, and I am not available to even talk to anyone. It's a horrible thing to do.

It really clicked with me after I started thinking harder about the wedding I just attended. There were many chics there, and I felt that a few held interest in me. But I did not make a move, because I live in Austin. I call Austin home. I know that if I were to hook up with someone who lives in Dallas, I would have to endure a long distance relationship. That just doesn't work with me. I have the patience, and I can have the trust. But I can't make trips back to Dallas every weekend. Even if all the resources were there, I would not want to. It would take a miracle to convince me to. 210 miles isn't that far. But it's far enough for me.

If I lived in Dallas, then everything would be in it's right place.* I would be able to date those chics I saw at the wedding. I could meet female friends of my friends back in Dallas. It would be so easy. There are a few friends from high school that I still talk to that I wouldn't mind dating. But, as long as I live in Austin, they are off limits to me. They might make a move, but I will not be able to accept. It might be one of those story book "the one"** type things, but that doesn't matter, because I will not do the long distance thing. For all I know, I'm missing out on something good.

All I can say is "oh well." I've got my thing down here in Austin. Yea, I wish some people I knew went to UT also. But hey, they want to stay at UTA, or UTD, or UNT, or wherever. I can accept that. I might not like it. But I have to deal with it. I alone decided to go far off. It might look more like I left them. That could be the case. And sometimes I think about transferring over there. We could have alot of fun again if I were to rejoin my group.

Anyway, ladies in Dallas, I'm sorry I won't date you. It's probably nothing personal. Well, it could be. But the main reason I can't is because I don't live there. Move to Austin, we'll talk. If I come back to Dallas, we'll talk. Otherwise, I apologize.

* Nice Radiohead reference.
** I really hate that bull S. There is no such thing as "the one." There have to be at least 10 people in the same state who could be "the one", so I guess it's not "the one." It's more like "one of the few." I've been called "the one" twice, and I don't talk to them anymore, so I guess I'm not "the one." Statistically, if you want to end a relationship with me, call me "the one." It hasn't failed yet.

Well, given my luck, if any weekend had to suck, it would be the one I spend at home. I'm not even going to touch college football. On the upside, I was home. Also, the Cowboys pulled another victory out of their A. Just amazing...they're 4-1.

So yea, weddings are something else. Pretty much, a guy and girl make it ok for them to do the dirty, and the real test is the 4 hour process. Not only that, but you have to be in front of your family as well as your significant other's. One false step, and it's blown. Add to the mix that there are cameramen everywhere. Now, there's evidence of the goof up.

If you attend a wedding, and you're not the one getting married, things can suck fast. Especially if you're single. I'm a guy, so from my point of view, it's like this. You look around the room and see a bunch of chics all dressed up and prettied up. Their hair is all nice and fixed, make up is exact, and the dresses hide all of the physical flaws. You want to go up to them, but you realize that this is a one time deal. They HAVE to look this way, because this is a wedding. Tomorrow, they could go back to wearing sweat pants and baggy shirts. It's sorta like false advertisement.

If you've seen these girls before, maybe in high school, then you know some of their appearances are for real. But still, it's not like they can be mean to you right now. They might smile and talk to you, but deep down, they want to kick you right in the sack. I'm not a jerk to females, but I still get that feeling.

So yea, all the single guys go to the stage or dance floor or whatever. The groom throws the garter out there, and some poor guy ends up catching it. Now everyone in the area has to make "woo" sounds and say things like "who will be the lucky girl?" Now the bouquet gets thrown into a scrum of females. Dresses and hair are pulled, and women turn into savages. Sometimes. But once the bouquet is caught, that's it, the audience has to make a big deal out of that. Then everything goes back to normal. We all eat cake and get fat, lessening the chance of another marriage.

Eventually the bride and groom sneak off to the broom closet, and things happen. Meanwhile, the two families are starting to drink more and more. This is supposed to be a joyous occasion, but for some reason, we have to make a good thing bad. You add liquor to a reception, and you can expect some embarrasing and humiliating moments. Old disco is played, because every wedding DJ has YMCA in the rotation. (By the way, you guys suck. You guys absolutely suck.) Adults crowd the dance floor, people fall down, everyone laughs. Then they leave. By this time, I had better be halfway home.

I like weddings every now and then. Sometimes, the building chosen is really nice. Sometimes the parties don't get reckless. Sometimes there aren't dozens of crying kids. Sometimes the females are single, and have really low standards. But how often does this happen? Not often enough.

By the way, I don't dance. I can't dance. I was in band for so long, I understand rhythm, but I can't dance. I don't care. I'm a guy, it doesn't matter. You want to slow dance, fine, I can do that. But don't expect me to do all these new show off dance moves all the young kids do.

Also, don't expect me to initiate conversations. I don't like doing it, and I probably never will. You want a conversation, come get one. Otherwise, don't expect me to leave my seat. I'm going to find a table in the corner, I'm going to drink my drink, and I'm going to enjoy not talking. Not saying I hate talking, but I can appreciate silence. You want me to hold your hand, fine. You want to talk at me, fine. But please don't get mad because I didn't leave my seat. It's a nice seat. I'm sitting in it. It must be good.

Enough on my rant...

Oh yea, Laura* didn't say hi to me first, so F it. Maybe could have had a good time, but F it.

Cowboys won today....Longhorns won yesterday....this has been one of the best weekends in a while, but this whole month already sucks as a whole. People around me getting sick, four tests this month, and I think two papers. That just sucks.

So yea, I'm talking to a friend, and another friend she talks to said "hi." I just found this weird because I haven't talked to this second friend in quite a long time. They need names. How about Emily* and Laura*. Emily is my friend, and Laura is her friend that I haven't talked to in quite some time.

When two chics talk about you, even if it's just for a little bit, you want to know every little detail. But when you do that, you start to seem weird and stuck on it. It's just that knowing people are talking about you feels good at first, but if you know what they say, you either feel even better or you feel horrible.

So yea, Emily mentions stuff like "being reunited" and such. Very hard to interpret. But I'm the type that knows there's something deeper and hidden, but I'm not going to try to figure it out. I just look at it as "oh, this is just a poke at me." The only thing is that when you look at it like that, you could possibly be missing out on something.

This also has a little to do with the "drop a good word" technique that I mentioned in an earlier post. What if they drop the word, but you don't pick it up? That would be weird in the way that, you're reaction could be interpreted as a lack of interest. What if you are interested? That sucks.

I'm not saying I'm interested in this reunion thing, and I'm not saying I'm not interested. I'm probably just thinking about it too much. I guess it's just that when someone you really didn't keep in contact with still remembers you and events involving the both of you, you wonder about any impact you might have had on them. I know that there are people out there right now who have lost contact with me, but I still remember them, and it's because they somehow had an impact on how I think or act or something.

I know it's probably my fault that Laura and I don't talk anymore, and I can accept that. I just don't want to seem like a jerk or something. I still remember her. I still respect her. If she said hi to me, I would say hi, and I could easily listen to her for hours.

I'm quiet...but if anyone says hi to me, I can carry a conversation for a while. I don't want to start a conversation where one is not wanted. I guess that's why I don't always IM people first (Emily. You know who you are).

My mind is just fried....I could very easily be confused right now. Either way, three test tomorrow, I'm out.

* names changed again.